My Biggest Fears

Hey gems,

Letting you all in on some personal things today, fears. We all have them, and I keep being told that the only way to conquer your fears is to face them head on so why not just blow them out of the water... to whoever is reading this.

The first fear is just so inconvenient. I've mentioned how much I love summer, the beach, etc. well, I'm also TERRIFIED of the ocean. The way the ocean pulls you in, when you can't touch the bottom and are being pulled in, or the fact that there are sharks, jellyfish and all kind of other living things around that an sneak up on you at any moment *Insert anxiety meltdown here*. This fear is probably the one want to conquer the most because I truthfully love the ocean in theory. I love the freedom, the live within it, and the fact that it covers more than 70% of the world!! I want to be able to run into the ocean and let myself feel Zen in that salty water, but it has been really hard for me. The last tie  was in the ocean I had spent two weeks working my way in when I finally built up to it. Then, a huge (maybe medium to small but I'm going to say huge) fish jumped out RIGHT NEXT TO MY FACE! I not only burst into tears, screamed and ran out of the ocean but I also had a panic attack once I was out. Not fun. The issue with this fear is also that people don't really understand the struggle of wanting to dive into the salty water but being terrified, they think it's funny and I get laughed at for this one pretty often. People close to me know it's serious but even then this is the fear that is the bud of the most jokes.

The next fear is something that is also super annoying as a human and I want to work through it. I am terrified of the night, the dark, etc. Being a lone in a house at night, for example, is so scary to me. The issue is my imagination runs wild with all of the things that can happen and I cannot sleep, call my sister crying or honestly just lock myself into a room and hope for time to pass fast. I think this is something that I am working on the most considering recently my parents left on a trip and there were a few nights that I had to deal with being alone. Full disclosure I should also probably stop watching cop shows because that does not help! I am also embarrassed of this fear sometimes because the thing is I'm 22, and I feel like such a baby not being able to what... sleep? I mean that doesn't sound like a shining moment of adulthood that's for sure. So this is an ongoing battle but I definitely want to become more comfortable... maybe a bat by my bed would help? (Joking... maybe)

Finally something that I think I should mention about myself is that I am very empathetic and sensitive, not in a demeaning way or a negative way. I don't think being these two thing is bad, but it definitely doesn't help that fact that I am naturally afraid of a lot of situations. I will cry watching the news, not sleep if I heard about a shooting or be afraid to go places if crimes happened there. It is definitely an aspect of my personality that is great in certain situations but it is a huge part of why I am so fearful. If I hear a story or see someone being afraid of something I will then feel like am afraid or feel like the sad or scary news is happening to me. I literally feel like I take on the emotions of people who are actually involved even when I'm not.

This may all sound really weird from an outsider perspective but I think part of overcoming your fears is to embrace them, as much as they may suck. That's it for today my gems just a little personal story for you all! Tweet or DM me ways that you get over your fears and I might do a part 2 of this blog!

Talk soon

T