Hard Fall
Hey there my gems,
Welcome to my very first TRUTH TUESDAY! I'll be starting days of the week which are dedicated to specific topics, stay tuned!
With fall coming to an end and winter cheer so near (hehe that rhymes), I wanted to get brutally honest with you all about how hard the past few months have been for me.
I truly believe in seasonal depression, in the lack of sunlight affect our bodies and minds and in the change of weather doing the same. The fall began really well, the weather was still nice and school and work were both going well. There was a downturn for me around the beginning of October where I truly began to feel heavy, saddened, and overwhelmed. Even though I knew I shouldn't be overwhelmed, I was. Even when I knew I was ahead of homework, I'd start to think of all the things coming up and allow myself to become much too anxious.
Mood
Let's be honest, once school starts, my social life basically goes out the window. My life goes back to a cycle which involves school, work and lack of sleep. I love school, but every start of a new year it consumes me. This year the Fall season has really been one where I find my morale struggling. It seems that everyone at school is one step ahead of me in their grades, careers, etc. Not to mention most of my friends and family are out of school and have their lives completely together. I've caught myself focusing on these negative aspects way too much this season and they've really done a number on my perception of myself.
Weight
I have gained some weight over the past few months and honestly I haven't even weighed myself because I'm scared to see the number. I don't hate my body, but it's definitely not what it used to be. What make this so much harder is the obvious things, my jeans not fitting, my favorite shorts being way too tight, etc. but worse? I absolutely hate when people tell me I'm dreaming and that I haven't gained anything. I completely understand that I they are trying to help, but the truth is, I know my body is changing, maybe not just weight gain, but in shape too. I can see it, feel it and it's pretty obvious when my pants don't fit! I've been trying to be more conscious of what I eat and when, not to mention I NEED TO START EXERCISING!! (Stay tuned for workout updates)
Pressure
So here's the thing about the pressure I've been feeling, its mostly all from myself. I've had s few recent accomplishments happen which I'm really proud of, but I feel as though there's this expectation for me to constantly be achieving something. I push myself and always want to prove myself, but what if I fail? I know some people would be shocked, but most of all I would never let myself live it down. I'm working really hard on allowing myself to live in the moment but working towards my future, I am truly trying to find the balance between hard work and accepting failure. Then on the other hand, I feel as though a large amount of people also see me as the youngest, the baby girl, and I'm always wanting to prove them wrong, prove my maturity, my capability, etc. So really I need to stop caring what people think, but that's so difficult for me.
This game of always having something to prove is exhausting and it basically created a super shitty season! I finally feel like I'm on the outside of this slump, but we all know these emotions will come back. I am trying to focus on myself rather than others, and deciding which people's perception matters versus who's aren't worth my time. Not to mention I can't wait for the Holidays to hit and nothing but CHEER!
What do you all do to keep yourselves focused on what matters?
I'll keep you all updated
XX
T
Welcome to my very first TRUTH TUESDAY! I'll be starting days of the week which are dedicated to specific topics, stay tuned!
With fall coming to an end and winter cheer so near (hehe that rhymes), I wanted to get brutally honest with you all about how hard the past few months have been for me.
I truly believe in seasonal depression, in the lack of sunlight affect our bodies and minds and in the change of weather doing the same. The fall began really well, the weather was still nice and school and work were both going well. There was a downturn for me around the beginning of October where I truly began to feel heavy, saddened, and overwhelmed. Even though I knew I shouldn't be overwhelmed, I was. Even when I knew I was ahead of homework, I'd start to think of all the things coming up and allow myself to become much too anxious.
Mood
Let's be honest, once school starts, my social life basically goes out the window. My life goes back to a cycle which involves school, work and lack of sleep. I love school, but every start of a new year it consumes me. This year the Fall season has really been one where I find my morale struggling. It seems that everyone at school is one step ahead of me in their grades, careers, etc. Not to mention most of my friends and family are out of school and have their lives completely together. I've caught myself focusing on these negative aspects way too much this season and they've really done a number on my perception of myself.
Weight
I have gained some weight over the past few months and honestly I haven't even weighed myself because I'm scared to see the number. I don't hate my body, but it's definitely not what it used to be. What make this so much harder is the obvious things, my jeans not fitting, my favorite shorts being way too tight, etc. but worse? I absolutely hate when people tell me I'm dreaming and that I haven't gained anything. I completely understand that I they are trying to help, but the truth is, I know my body is changing, maybe not just weight gain, but in shape too. I can see it, feel it and it's pretty obvious when my pants don't fit! I've been trying to be more conscious of what I eat and when, not to mention I NEED TO START EXERCISING!! (Stay tuned for workout updates)
Pressure
So here's the thing about the pressure I've been feeling, its mostly all from myself. I've had s few recent accomplishments happen which I'm really proud of, but I feel as though there's this expectation for me to constantly be achieving something. I push myself and always want to prove myself, but what if I fail? I know some people would be shocked, but most of all I would never let myself live it down. I'm working really hard on allowing myself to live in the moment but working towards my future, I am truly trying to find the balance between hard work and accepting failure. Then on the other hand, I feel as though a large amount of people also see me as the youngest, the baby girl, and I'm always wanting to prove them wrong, prove my maturity, my capability, etc. So really I need to stop caring what people think, but that's so difficult for me.
This game of always having something to prove is exhausting and it basically created a super shitty season! I finally feel like I'm on the outside of this slump, but we all know these emotions will come back. I am trying to focus on myself rather than others, and deciding which people's perception matters versus who's aren't worth my time. Not to mention I can't wait for the Holidays to hit and nothing but CHEER!What do you all do to keep yourselves focused on what matters?
I'll keep you all updated
XX
T
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